I am always told how resilient I am and I literally think to myself what other choice do I have?
You see being diagnosed with a chronic illness with no cure and no cause in 2004, has definitely changed me. I remember the day I was discharged from the Eric Williams Medical Complex, I was in a wheelchair and everyone was talking about how much I had endured over those twenty-one days, two rounds of dialysis and knocking on the doors of death.
I remember looking down at my hands and the sun hitting them directly as if God was whispering, “you have a second chance to get it right”.
I would never forget that moment for as long as I live.
Being resilient for me is a lifestyle, you know I didn’t set out to have a fucked up life, but hey I definitely will make the most out of it.
Now, you may say, people are praying there are people praying to be in my position and I say, that may be true, but that doesn’t dispel the days and weeks I have just been on autopilot because of life’s curveballs.
Curveballs of depression, anxiety and financial turmoil have ripped me to the core. Curveballs of being overwhelmed as a first-time mom and definitely doing a lot of things wrong when it comes to parenting my daughter.
Curveballs of relationships, romantic, parental and friendly being kicked around like a ball at the World Cup Finals.
Jeez, sometimes all of these things happened at once.
Talk about wanting to just hit the pause button, or return to the home screen and pick a NEW movie.
But this isn’t Netflix, this is real life.
Real fucking life and we have real problems.
Looking back, how did I get through those stormy months?
Truth be told, I have no idea.
Truth be told, it was God.
Truth be told, during those months I definitely had to rely on the fact that it does not rain 365 days of the year, it must have ONE day that there is sunshine.
And then I usually think to myself, “Ameniki, you really don’t have a choice but to figure this shit out”.
You see there’s this little girl who has captured my heart and has it in permanent quarantine.
I tell myself, she deserves the best life and truly, lying in my bed crying myself to sleep, is definitely a recipe to get just that, a wet pillow.
Now, crying is my coping mechanism, so I am not against crying at all.
However, it’s what happens after the tears.
What happens after the shit has hit the fan.
For me, I get up and tell life, “girl you never hear about me? I am worse than Corona”.
Lol. I do not give up.
So, my advice to those of you building your resilience. You can also read more about coping here
The shine app has been a game changer for me for at least one year.
You can also come up with a statement or mantra that you tell life. Something like “when life pushes me, I will go forward”
Cry yourself to sleep, but then get up with a plan and hit life back with all you got.
You create the life you want, well you and Papa God. So go create a masterpiece, that you love.
With grit and gratitude